She tugged on the edge of her lace like she was strumming an old acoustic guitar:
Quietly, almost in secret, thinking about the world and its relationship to her- to humanity. While she wondered what the next day might bring, what the next weather report might reveal, she couldn't help but be consumed with memories of what had already happened and how it came about.
The past is confusing simply because it obliges us to ponder and reflect. The future is easier because we can dream, imagine, and- hopefully- obtain what we set out to do. But that is rarely the case. Our past existence always finds a way of creeping up on us; it has made us who we are, and ultimately, it provides us with a pathway for who we really want to become. We can regret our failures and remember our victories, sure, but what we actually should do is learn from each individual occurrence and allow our revelations a reserved place in some warped future life. What is living without learning, anyway?
These are the thoughts that would fill her mind, beneath the warm welcome of the summer sun and over-arching tree branches sprinkling shade. As she slowly brought the strawberry to her chapped lips, her mind remained in motion, and her heart hesitated through the unavoidable hurdles of love.
She rather liked being alone. Hearing her own thoughts, fearing her irrational insecurities, nearing a complete mental breakdown, she suddenly stopped, if only for a second.
"What if I'm always more comfortable being alone?"
She couldn't shake the sentiment. What if? Are some of us truly better off alone? And if so, how do we derive that surreal feeling of intimacy that comes with loving, with needing, another companion?
Questions raced through her tired mind, and she couldn't provide answers to any of them. Maybe that was her answer: a lack of solutions. If we lead a life always searching, yearning, for solid solutions to problems, then perhaps we miss out on what mere existence is trying to offer us-
"peace of mind..."
Loving yourself when you're alone is the most powerful and precious gift, and it should never be taken at face value. Too many people suffer from unhappiness, and the main source is the self.
Love yourself, if only in silence, like a song without music, always searching for resonating harmony.
Sometimes, they call it poetry.
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