I have lost all motivation.The simplest task seems incredibly overwhelming, and I am making mistakes in areas that should be bullet-proof. I am not prone to perfection by any means, but nothing has ever seemed to continuously feel this warped or overrated. Perhaps I am taking on more than I can handle; we all like to think ourselves invincible when it comes to activities we enjoy, thus participating in more than it is physically possible to actually attend. Can you really have a true passion for that many things? Certain organizations or ideas will inevitably take control over your time, leaving the minuscule and secondary options to perish in the depths on one's mind. I haven't found my true niche yet, and I feel as though I should have something by now; 17 years of searching should have yielded a little more than a few mediocre talents or past times here and there. I want to know what I am meant to do and continue doing it for the rest of my life. I want to know where I stand in the world, even if I am a simple speck among millions, as weightless and insignificant as they come. I want to drive on the open road for as long as it takes for some powerful epiphany to strike at any given moment, leaving me with some serene sense of being. I want closure.
I know I am asking too much, but some answers would be ideal.
6 comments:
Just stop doing too much. You just seem to do it to gain approval from some people who could care less about you, teachers included. If you want my advice, and I have known you for a while by the way. Take this:
Stop wearing a mask.
Break away from ideal conformity
Focus on what is more important: A- Pleasing those who don't care. B- Remembering those who do care. Choose.
I want to remain anonymous, because I cannot put a face on telling you what I have been killing to tell you for three years. I am not a bad friend, but my point is: Do What You Want. Don't Ask For Opinions, especially on here. You will probably get misleading advice.
if you won't tell me who you are, do you mind letting me know how we are aquainted?
I agree wholeheartedly! Lydia, this is your life! Live it for you while you serve the greater good (I know its an oxymoron...)And your talent is clear.. You are a writer- pure and simple!
Sometimes an oxymoron is the only way to fully explain something. And thank you, Mr. Kirk. You molded me. haha
Lost people are my favorite kind! They remind me of ... me. What you wrote didn't sound like a request for advice, so I hope I don't seem too forward in leaving a rather long comment in response. Searching, I think, can be its own satisfaction. I don't think most people have their shit totally together at 17. Certainty, at any age, seems like a bit of a bummer. The kind of conflict you're talking about is, I think, integral to life. What if you knew with certitude right now the purpose of your life? What then? That's like, game over. Anyway, I hope you enjoy your process of becoming – it sounds like you're doing a fine job!
I know what you mean.
I need something to look forward to :D
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